Spiderman and the Ladies room

Today after class I am walking through the library building on my way to my car, and stopped to use the ladies room. Now Stony Brook is a very large school, with a lot of students, and good amount of bathrooms. Usually they are not immaculate, but usable. Of course there is always paper on the floor and some one always needs to hover and brace themselves so high up in the stall like Spiderman, that their urine makes seems to make it every where but in the toilet. 

    But today was something like no other. As I walked through the entrance of the ladies room, and approached the stall I chose the first empty one. My arms full with my purse, coffee cup and books, I pushed in the stall door. I immediately look at the toilet seat to decide if it is usable or not. This one was not. Somebody pooed on the toilet seat. Yes, you read that correctly. I froze. Is this, poo I ask my self. Yepp, that's poo the little moderator in my head confirms. I could not understand how this happened. 

As my eyes lock on to the poo, I can very quickly tell that this was no emergency. This did not look like the type of poo that causes one to run in fear to the ladies room.  No this was a premeditated poo that someone lovingly left on the seat of the toilet that I just wanted to pee in. All the way on the back part of the seat too. 

I turned and left, still not fully understanding how to poo make it there. Was some one out on a vendetta against the cleaning staff? Spiderman must have been hovering in that stall, for it to land there.

Beer, BMW and bastards.

Last Thursday my afternoon class let out early. With several hours on my hands, I walked across campus back to my car, which was parked in the stadium lot. As I started walking across the lot from the Union I noticed people tailgating. Mind you this was a Thursday at 3:30 in the afternoon, during summer session. I find my car in the sea of other cars, get in, turn on the radio, and dig out my lunch bag with my dinner in it. As I snap open the latches of my lock lock box, containing tuna macaroni salad, a car pulls up in the spot across from me to the right. I'm eating my tuna-mac, listening to NPR, and watching as three young guys get out of this car. They appear to be the typical Long Island douche bags I'd rather not deal with. As work on this massive bowl of tuna-mac, I watch as they pop the trunk and go around, talking to each other in their secret D-bag language I'm not really able quite understand. As they hover over the trunk like cops over a corpse they start popping open cans of bud light and pouring them into the ever so discreet red party cups. The cans start hitting the ground, as I watch in some absurd amusement of their actions. "Really?" I say to myself out loud, "It's four in the afternoon." The three start walking to the location behind me where more festivities seem to be occurring, but just as they reach the hood of their fancy BMW, red cups in hand, I see a bastard bud light can come flying towards my poor Corolla, sailing over my hood, and just missing my poor baby by centimeters. "You have got to be fucking kidding me." I said out loud, as I look to the three. The shortest one looks over and clearly sees the look of rage on my face, and knowing better puts out his arms like wings and starts yelling "SORRY, SORRY!" in his Gotti Boy wanna be Long Island accent. I roll my eyes in pure disgust as I repeat, "You have got to be fucking kidding me." Tempted to run out after him and kick him in the nether region, I restrain myself and continue working on the macaroni salad, and listening to All things considered on NPR. Staring through my windshield, running a play by play of what just happened, as I usually do, and thinking about the various other ways I would like to have reacted, I glanced at that bastard BMW and noticed something absolutely magical. In their excitement for drinking from red cups and watching the high school lacrosse tournament going on in the stadium, they left the back passenger window down. All the way down. I gleamed at the shiny black BMW and it's tinted windows. Was there anyone else inside?, I wondered. No there must not be, after all who would sit in this car and pass up canned bud light in red cups? No one sitting in that car, that's who. Then suddenly I had this idea to return the beer can that almost hit my car. I glanced in my rearview mirror, and looked all around to make certain they were no where in sight. I unlocked my door, stepped out, scooted around my door, and slyly picked up the beer car that lay next to my tire. This car was much heavier than I expected. In fact I would say about half full. What wimps I though, can't even handle half a can of piss light beer. I looked around again, and darted over to the back window, my heart racing, stopping to pick up another can on the way, peeked into the open window and threw the two half full beer cans on the pristine black leather back seat then I ran back to my car. Adrenaline pumping through me I hopped back inside and locked the door. I peered around again. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I picked up my tuna mac, which was waiting for me and continued to finish eating. After i finished, I packed up my lunch bag, started my car and moved to the teacher's lot which was much closer to my evening class.